Unapologetically Female!

Posted: May 13, 2011 in Off the cuff

Just in case you haven’t noticed, I am female. Unless you have a better explanation for these bumps and curves. Do you? I thought so. Anyway, it rocks to be female, and unapologetically so. We get away with a lot of stuff which I’m sure your average male wouldn’t be spared death by scornful looks if he so much as contemplated said stuff. You see, I’ve been in some situations where I made mistakes that banishing me from earth would’ve been punishment enough but I got away with just but a “Come oooooon, I didn’t mean to” said in the sweetest feline manner ever and punctuated by the infamous but effective puppy look, slight tilt of the head and toying with braids. You can’t possibly say no to that face! It works every time, like magic.

That we are dainty is nothing new. There’s something about us that moves the world to action. I never knew many men who upon tripping had everyone scrambling to give them a hand. Well, they may get help but not as quickly and with so much fuss as a beautiful young female with well-manicured nails, delicate make-up and the body of a goddess. She might as well have them carry her on their backs rather than risk misaligning a bone. Such is the power of the female aura. Be warned, well not exactly because you never see her charm coming. Just when you are getting ready to admonish her for max-ing out your credit card, driving your baby-on-wheels into a ditch, messing up your expensive camera…you melt and all forms of fury go out the window.

I mean, this is your mother. She brought you into this world and that gives her exclusive rights to your credit card and she will max it if she so damn well pleases. It could be your sister. You can’t possibly chew her head off for driving your baby into the ditch. Let it slide. Besides she looks so apologetic flailing her arms in an attempt to explain how she was avoiding to “knocking down the cute-looking cat.”

So…yes. There are several things we females can get away with. If you ever wondered how you can get past the throng of people at a concert to the front for better view, your sister, girlfriend or any other female friend should come in handy. Just get her to push through the crowd, follow closely behind saying repetitively, “Sorry, she’s a little psycho, trying to distract her till the medics get here.” It works. You doubt me? Try it.

Women can get out of just about anything by having a headache. Neighborhood meetings, that visit to the home of the meddling in-laws, the christening of her boyfriend’s cousin-twice-removed’s second daughter…and all those boring engagements, social or otherwise. And if the headache card seems to get you hesitating she could switch to the period card. Surely she couldn’t possibly be forced to travel miles to upcountry to see grandma in her condition.

How many men can pee together in a one-roomed bathroom? Women can! In fact we hold conversations while we are doing it. For the men though, there is a strict field size or better yet a wall between two males, no eye contact or even speaking.

And how many times have you had to go back home, miss a play or wait hours to go to a concert only to arrive there late because she just couldn’t decide which shoes would go well with her outfit. If a guy were to attempt this the first words to him would be, “Butch up, SOPHIA!”

Stalking! Yes, it’s sorta cute when a hot female follows a guy around.  Admit it; it’s flattering even if for personal reasons you wouldn’t want to pursue her. But when men stalk, it’s criminal. I would call the cops on him immediately regardless of that sexy smile he keeps flashing me.

Where fashion is related we are allowed to cram our butts into a-size-smaller jeans, carry purses, wear v-necks, wear wigs, tweeze our eyebrows into a thin line, stack up loads of jewelry etc. Regardless of whether men call them man-purses or murses, those tiny hand clutches do not work for your images. And don’t get me started on butt-hugging jeans and v necks. Oh the eyesore! Also extreme body hair removal is a preserve of the ladies and so is going commando occasionally. Some men do it and just thinking about it is enough to gross me out.

So there you have it! From yours truly, unapologetically-female!

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Comments
  1. Mugumo Tree Cutter says:

    Nice post! celebrating femininity unapologetically!
    Women’s value and worth has never gone higher because it can’t-they are already the most valuable treasure there will ever be on the face of this earth. what we need are treasure hunters-both male and female- who can unearth and display their beauty

  2. Magda says:

    Lovely blog. I discovered it via the Women Bloggers group. I’m here to stay;)

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